TORI TALK

A Better Question Than "Is This Normal?"

After describing whatever behavior or thought patterns they're engaging in, people commonly ask me, "Is this normal?" But "normal" is usually a subjective assessment - there is no manual or rulebook to consult to help you determine whether something is normal, and even if there were, what would that mean for you, and how might the answer be helpful? It's been said that therapy is not so much about finding answers as it is about finding the right questions. Here's one that I recommend in place of the "normal" one: "Is this harmful?" That is, is what you're doing, feeling, or thinking harming you or someone else in any way? If the answer is yes, that's a more useful sign that perhaps some change is in order, rather than simply trying to determine whether you fall in the range of what is considered (again - by whom?) normal.

Wholeness Over Goodness... or Resist Forced Optimism!

"I'd rather be whole than good." Remember these wise words from Carl Jung before you beat yourself up for letting a "negative" thought or feeling slip through. Despite perpetual pressure from the "positive thinking" police, we weren't meant to exist on one very narrow part of the spectrum of human experience, emotion, sensation... Getting stuck at either extreme is generally unhealthy and growth-stunting. Become acquainted with your messy, ugly, and uncomfortable feelings (i.e. your shadow), without judgment, and watch how they shrink as you expand. While you're at it, reconsider the thoughts and feelings - and people - you deem "bad" and "good". Just play with it and have fun getting to know yourself better!

The Shrink Will Skype You Now: What You Should Know About Online Counseling

Ever wondered if you could see your shrink via Skype? Or if you should? Here's everything you need to know about online counseling, from my article in the May 2012 Women's Health magazine. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

http://www.onlinetherapyinstituteblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Womens-Health-WebTherapy-Article.pdf

New Group Announcement!

What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex & Safety

~ Finally, the sex ed you wish you’d had! Now accepting members for a sexuality group for adult women of all ages, based on the book of the same name, by Jaclyn Friedman ~

When it comes to sexuality, how do you define yourself in a culture hell-bent on doing it for you? Do you know what you really, really want, and how to get it? This empowering guide will help you navigate the barriers and burdens that too often prevent women from developing a shame-free, blame-free, and fear-free sexuality. What you Really Really Want provides you with the tools to safely and confidently express your sexuality-whatever your desires may be.

(*Descriptions are from the book)

This group will provide a safe, confidential place for you to:

- Take a long, deep look at all the voices that have shaped what you currently think about sex, and figure out how to amplify the ones that work for you and turn down the ones that don’t

- Learn how to evaluate risk using information and instinct, and decide which risks are bogus, and which risks are real but worth taking

- Learn how to talk with partners (both present and potential) in ways that maximize pleasure and connection

- Learn how to build a sexual support group of friends who will cheer you on and check your reality when you need it, and learn how to deal with friends and family who may be uncomfortable with
your newfound freedom

- Reject the Terrible Trio – shame, blame, and fear – and build a sexual life that fits you so well that you find yourself humming with happiness for no apparent reason

Details:

- Group will meet weekly for 12 weeks

- Days, times, and start date to be determined, based on needs of members

- Location: Tori’s office in historic Roswell

- Cost: $40 per session

- For more information, contact Tori:

Tori Rodriguez, MA, LPC

Email: torirodriguez@bellsouth.net

Phone: 404-886-7065

Blog: http://torirodriguez.typepad.com

Sleepy Brains Think More Freely

...and my second new article from the May/June 2012 issue of Scientific American Mind. Enjoy!

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=sleepy-brains-think-freely

Mental Cleansing: Imagery Technique Helps Abuse Victims

Here is the online version of one of my two new articles in the May/June 2012 issue of Scientific American Mind... I'm a huge fan of mental imagery, so I'm thrilled to get to report about this technique!

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=mental-cleansing

New Group: Jealous Much? Learn How to Use It to Your Advantage

A group for men and women who struggle with jealousy and envy

Isn’t jealousy a drag with a capital D? Just when you’re feeling pretty good about yourself, here comes this awful surge of burning emotion. No one’s immune to it (research shows that even babies get jealous!), so we’ve got to learn to live with it. Better yet, let’s lasso the ol’ green-eyed monster and take a good, hard look at it so we can use it to our advantage.

Jealousy and envy can make you feel small and powerless, but ironically, they can be keys to empower you and help you grow - the universe’s way of giving you a swift nudge in the right direction – the way toward the true you. It’s natural to compare ourselves to others or to feel inferior at times; the key is figuring out how to not let ourselves be ruled by jealousy and to figure out how to use it productively.

Like all emotions, jealousy and envy can be useful or toxic, depending on how you understand and deal with them. This group will help you learn how to embrace these uncomfortable feelings as tools for self-discovery and growth, while countering the isolation that often results from struggles with jealousy.

- Days, times, and start date to be determined, based on needs of members

- Location: Tori’s office in historic Roswell

- Cost: $40 per weekly session

- For more information, contact Tori:

Tori Rodriguez, MA, LPC

Email: torirodriguez@bellsouth.net

Phone: 404-886-7065

Blog: http://torirodriguez.typepad.com

 

Mind Over Mouth: The Way You Think Affects How You Eat

My latest column in the March 2012 issue of The Roswell Current... Enjoy!

 

It's Not Me, It's Us: Female Sexual Dysfunction & Relationship Issues

My other new one from the March 2012 issue of Scientific American Mind... loved interviewing supercool sexologist (don't you love that word?), Dr. Andrea Burri, for this!

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=its-not-me-its-us

The Role of Race in Eating Disorders

This is part of my binge eating/ADHD article, though it's a different topic that isn't reflected by the title of article:

Exploring the influence of ethnic identity on self-understanding could also help prevent eating disorders, suggests a study last September in the Journal of Black Studies. Using surveys, the study found that African-American women with higher levels of ethnic identity were less likely to develop binge eating and bulimia, whereas for Caucasian women, higher levels of ethnic identity posed a greater risk of disordered eating. Study author Mary Shuttlesworth, a doctoral candidate in psychology at the Univer­sity of Maryland, explains that Cauca­sian ideals tend to emphasize thinness and focus strictly on appearance, whereas African-American beauty ideals often include “other aspects of the self aside from physical appear­ance; acceptance of different body shapes and sizes; and allowing beauty to encompass personality, style or attitude.” She suggests that preven­tion programs could focus on building in all people, regardless of race, the elements characteristic of African-American ethnic identity.

-from Scientific American Mind, March/April 2012